So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
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