drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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