she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
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