just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
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So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
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I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
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