shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Randomize
