I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
Randomize
