you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
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