Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
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