Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
