I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
Randomize
