he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
