I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
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