this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
