**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
