Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
