yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
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