Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
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