I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
Randomize
