It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
Randomize
