I should be sponsored by Trojan
My pussy is not your playground.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
You brought string cheese to the strip club
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
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