Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
My underwear smells like fireworks.
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
Randomize
