I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
Randomize
