he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Randomize
