can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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