So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
he puts the penis in happiness.
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
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