happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
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