a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Randomize
