LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
