News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
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