You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Randomize
