She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
