Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
