I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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