He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize
