You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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