Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
But theres a keg here and me gusta
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
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