Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
