my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
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I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
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