sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
