8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
is that a dick in a sweater?
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
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