i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
25 People Confess The Most Ignorant Thing Someone Has Ever Said To Them
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
27 Signs That Someone Will Probably Be Bad At Sex
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.