I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
It’s A Miracle These 21 Promiscuous People Don’t Have STDs
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
He called his prostate his "boner button".
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
These 27 Infuriatingly Annoying Habits Will Ruin Your Day
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.