Having a random hookup so left but love u
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
People With No Siblings Will Never Understand These 23 Things
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
25 Seemingly Normal Things That Give Some People Massive Anxiety
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.