I bet he comes in French.
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.