i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
These Attractive Criminals Took Sexy Mugshots That Made Them Famous
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
This Girl’s Unbelievable Catfish Story Will Make You Rethink Online Dating
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.