just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
15 Things That Could NEVER Happen Anywhere But the South
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
15 Times “Flight of the Conchords” Made You Feel Better About Being a Twenty-Something
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink