Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize