Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
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