I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
Randomize
