the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
