In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Randomize
