id be glad to
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Randomize
