i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
I'm experimenting with sincerity
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
Randomize
