Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
Randomize
