I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
