Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
Randomize
