sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
Randomize
