is swine flu sexually transmttd?
Ha no, why?
sriously ive never had a hangovr this bad
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
