when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
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