Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
Randomize
