final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
Randomize
