I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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