why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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