Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
I love you. Go after that dick
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Randomize
