I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
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